Where 2 or more gather, there are more than enough people for a Chick to know she is the 'different' one in the room. It could be for any number of reasons. One is to be the bearer of TMI. As a teen, I was embarrassed to discover myself a bearer of the noxious plague. Infected as a child, I unwittingly passed it on. Sometimes I would become a germaphobe trying to avoid it. Either way, I alienated those around me.
One can learn how to use- yes - USE- TMI. This skill is earned by making innumerable mistakes. Therefore, I am VERY skillful. At least I hope so. Seriously, a Wierd Chick afflicted w/ TMI finds herself unwittingly alienating others. She often has to learn on her own when enough is enough. Others often don't even know how to set boundaries or think themselves kinder by saying nothing. Who knows whether they are right. But I digress.
This is what I have determined about TMI: I don't have to feel like a victim for receiving it, or a persecutor/rescuer for giving it.
TMI is a gift the Universe has allowed.
As the recipient,
I can: 1) reject it, 2) store it for later, 3) mull over the content and/or the process of the interaction, 4) I can do any combination of parts of the above by myself, with the other person, and/or with a third party.
About imparting information:
I have a choice to consider the information I impart to others. I can determine whether I feel/ think it is the 'right' time, place, situation, person and/or amount of information.
I can observe the other person and situation in an attempt to determine my actions. However I can't control whether the other thinks I made the right choice. I can't control their feelings or responses.
I have a right to my own feelings in the matter. I have the right to disagree with the other person as to whether it truly was TMI or not. However, if there is an ongoing one sided 'exchange': 1) The giver may be overly 'generous' but the receiver can just as easily lack the healthy amount of receptivity- or 2) there could be some other force at work such as the exchange being inappropriate: For example: like, ewww if my mom were to ever give me the details of her intimate life.
If I am determined to be the giver of TMI, I can own that I felt and *still feel* it was appropriately given because sometimes people are just insipid ninnies and need a little more information to jolt them out of a life of boring shallowhood.
Or, I can determine I made the wrong choice and apologize from/ learn from the mistake and take appropriate action henceforth.
I can take this as an opportunity to dialogue with the person who feels I've given them TMI about the content or process so we *both* can learn.
Now, was that TMI?
A look at who The Wierd Chick is: within me, within contemporary culture, and her origins in HerStory and Myth.
I could have written his myself. I never know when to shut my mouth, and always seem to alienate others. If I'm ever the receiver of TMI, I feel privileged and honored that somebody would share such personal information with me. It feels like a gift. But yeah, there's some TMI (like your Mom example) I just don't want or need to know. Or the years my sister was out there lost in drugs. Don't. Want. To. Know. As a massage therapist, I often am the receiver of TMI, but it's always okay with me. :) I'm honored they're comfortable. Great entry!
ReplyDeleteThx Bonnie-glad to know others relate! It was huge for me to clarify this for myself. I have seen other people's faces and been the recipent of the changed subject over the years enough to know I do it to sometimes. Just did it again since that post. Only now I remember what I wrote out here in the virtual world and I am more conscious of all the pieces... ok now time to exhale...
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